Yoga in Your Hands

Creativity begins as an inspiration, a desire to express ones personal vision and connection with the creative force from within. How does this relate to the practice of yoga? I have been thinking about this all month in preparation to write this article for the Hand to Hand market, a place where creativity, community and abundance come to dance together in our fair city of Greensboro. What I have come to understand is that we all have the powerful ability to share our gift with each other on many different levels, sometimes this shows up as a hand made birthday card or a sweet scarf that was knit with love and we all know the feeling of receiving such a special treat from a friend or loved one. It is a feeling of connection, care, thought and over all love. Our creativity is something very special and unique to each and every human, we all have different gifts and abilities and when these are used to create something it has a deeper meaning that we all can relate to. An offering of ourselves, our time and our talent to communicate the deepest connection to what and who we really are. That which can’t be expressed through words. This creation expression shows up for me in many different ways but the most predominate is teaching yoga. I recently fulfilled a long time dream of opening my own yoga space, Free Spirits Yoga at 337 Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. This came at a time of great challenge and difficulty in my personal life, a time when I could have decided to sink into the energy of being defeated and sad but the Inner Voice spoke clearly. “Now is the time to share, to move this energy into something positive for all including yourself.” I had the distinct feeling that this life is but a moment and fear and challenge is always an opportunity to grow in strength and wisdom. The healing that I have witnessed in myself since listening to this inner prompting has been amazing. The intention of my classes is to share this with others, to come together in a open, compassionate, non-judgmental environment to explore our sacred and unique personal paths. No two are the same, nor should they be. Now I come to the subject of the hands, these beautiful tools that have the ability to express the vision that is birthed in the mind and heart. The connection of the wisdom and ingenuity is powerful. With out our hands, minds and hearts it would be very difficult to express ourselves in the material world. How we express with our hands is a direct expression of our internal environments as well as our relationship with the world around us. Yoga is a practice that helps us to better understand this relationship of the internal environment and the outer world around us. Yoga translated means Union or to yoke, bring together. In this context it is clear that creating what I like to call sacred objects is just this, a union of the material, physical and the energetic or thought form into creation. In some traditions such as the Native American there is a practice called creation ceremony, this is the act of setting the intention to create something with the hands that is an expression of connection with the divine. The practice is mean not only to make beautiful artifacts or sacred objects but also to learn about ourselves during the process. In this ceremony there are always two bowls set out, one has corn meal and the other is empty. The practice is to take a pinch of corn meal and place it in the empty bowl anytime we observe the mind becoming distracted with negative thoughts, egoistic thoughts, frustration, anger or another emotion that we do not wish to imprint our creation with. Our thoughts are extremely powerful and learning to control them and recognize that they are not who we are is very important. Realizing that what ever we are thinking about when we are in the act of creation is then energetically apart of that object. We put ourselves into all that we create in the world. All aspects of Yoga are apart of the Science of Self Realization, what does that mean for us in this context? It is believed in the Yoga System that all aspects of our lives are part of our practice, each moment an opportunity to practice and remember that it is Spirit that flows through all things at all times. We are never separated from Source but there are times when we feel more connected. When we are recognizing the Divinity in Ourselves and all that surrounds us. Creating with our hands can often take us into the place of one pointed concentration that is need to still the mind and allow the silence to inform our being. When we find this place we may experience bliss, peace, or a sense of deep rest and relaxation. Thus the more opportunities we afford ourselves to find this space the deeper sense of Self Knowledge we come to know. Helping us to see through the illusions of the material world that can often create suffering and self doubt. I see the Hand to Hand market as a place where those who create and have the courage to share that creation with others come together to celebrate these gifts. It also cultivates that practice and understanding of abundance. When we exchange money or energy for those beautiful treasures of creation to be adored. So I ask you now, step back and look, how are you creating? What are you creating? How do you use your hands to share you gifts with the world around you? Honor this, celebrate this, share this and know it is these acts that remind us of who we really are.

Sacred Actions

I have been a busy, busy lady. So much has been happening. The yoga center opened, Chandra is back, I'm more clear and present for so many reasons and now finally I have something to say.

I've been thinking about action and what it really means. We are constantly making decisions and choices that then end in an outcome. What determines if these actions are seemingly "positive" or "negative"? My first thought is the intent behind the action. Why do we do the things that we do? Sometimes we do things because we want something. An outcome, and expectation and these decisions often turn into lessons that we wished we could have avoided. Sometimes we do things because we need something. Often these decisions and choices then teach us in the end that we are in need of nothing and what we thought we needed was an illusion. So how do we get to the heart of the issue? From what place could try and make decisions that would perhaps be a cleaner path? In the native tradition they teach that all acts are sacred. From tying our shoes to washing the dishes and everything in between. I love this way of thinking about it. when approaching decisions from a place of sacredness it elevates all action to its highest state possible and this often serves as a protection.

Lets work with an example. If we are going to go and rob a bank it may be a bit difficult to find a way to convince ourselves that this is a sacred act. Now this isn't to say that people don't fool themselves into thinking all kinds of things to justify an action that is clearly not the best choice. But if we employ our buddhi or intellect to the situation and run it through the filter of sacredness then it spits out a pretty clear result. If we then are dedicated to recognizing this result and making changes in our thinking accordingly it ends up being very handy. But if you are like me and a bit stubborn this may not be enough. I can come up with all kinds of reasons to "forget" to run decisions and actions through this sacred filter and this is where the real work begins. One step, one day at a time with lots of compassion and unconditional love as I watch myself have to learn the hard way and keep practicing coming back to the filter of sacredness that keeps me grounded and inline with my highest self.

It is short and sweet but really communicates where I have been at for the last few months. Some decisions coming from a better place and others I'm still working on. What can I say, I'm perfect in my imperfection.

May all beings be free from suffering and benefit from this practice. Om Om

More Coming Soon!

There is much to come soon, I'm opening a new yoga school and all my time and attention has been pouring in to that. Can't wait to get back to one of my other passions....writing. Thank you for your patience!

check out the yoga website at www.freespiritsyoga.com

much love
audrey

The Bad Lands

I've never really experienced grief or sorrow before, I thought I had but I was wrong. There have been times when I'll be talking to Spirit and be giving gratitude for my life and then I'll wonder when my time would come to experience something life changing. I've spent my life spinning what could be thought of as negative experiences into learning and silver lining truths. That is part of my DNA. Now is no different but what is different is thinking that I could manage through it with out a scratch. I'm here to tell you that I'm bruised and battered but still alive.

I learned from the very best what it is to be a mother, to care for someone and create a space for them to grow. To encourage as well as hold healthy boundaries, when to say yes and when to say no. Always with love in your heart. My intense desire to create this kind of space for people is what has drawn me to teaching and exploring my own spirituality. We can not teach or share with others what we do not know in our own experience, this I know to be true. I experience no greater joy then when I am able to be used as a vessel for connection and healing, its what I was born to do. But what happens when I'm the one that's lost my way? What happens when I no longer see the silver lining and am blind to the light at the end of the tunnel? This becomes a challenge that can and has created powerful upset in my life.

We all have an inherent quality of energy that we walk around in everyday. I've come to understand mine more than I did in the past but it's still a daily practice to be present as well as authentic inside of this energy. This isn't unique. For those of you who know me personally, you won't be surprised when I describe myself has fiery. Fire is an element that can be both trans formative and destructive, it really all comes down to the intention behind it. We can offer things to the fire that need to be released and let go or we can be an arsonist of our own lives. Its a fine line and one that I have been walking precariously for the past couple of months.

For many years I have struggled with the decision of whether I want to have children or not. Frankly it scares the crap out of me. My fear of having children really has been much like a phobia, an allergy or something you would need a epipen for to survive the effects. So much fear. My husband and I have batted the idea back and forth with no real resolution. But in the last year there has been some healing around this lack of clarity and intense fear, some visions have come showing me what could be in store. A child. Coming. I began to get comfortable with the idea and even getting excited. I began to see that all this love I have to offer and my intense desire to create a space for something to grow would be perfectly channeled into the role of mother. There have been times, I'm sure you won't be surprised, when this energy has been misplace, misguided and instead of creating growth has caused disturbance.

Here is the kicker. As soon as I throw my hands up, literally and said to Spirit.... "I'm not scared anymore! I am ready, willing to open myself up to this new step in life, bring it on!" It happened, with in two weeks I'm pregnant. Wow. Now that's some powerful shit if you ask me. Not that I'm surprised but ok, maybe a little surprised.
I knew it. I hadn't missed my moon cycle yet or had any real symptoms but I just knew. I took the test and sure enough several positive pregnancy tests later I'm at the doctors office. Yup, pregnant. But here is the thing, we come to find out its Ectopic. So we can't keep it. What is up with that? What kind of cruel and unusual punishment is it to finally find some strength to open to it and then when I do to find out it isn't viable. No only is it not viable but I have to take chemotherapy to stop it. That is the nicest way i know to say it. Stop the pregnancy.

I don't write this to be a downer but at some point I have to express how I really feel about this whole situation and locking it up inside isn't working. I promise. The acting out that has come from that just about brought down the foundation of my life as I know it. I am devastated by this unfolding of events and have no idea how to get back to feeling connected to all that I know in my heart to be true. This has been the biggest challenge of my life so far and I really have no idea what to do with it. So this is my therapy, to be honest and share what I'm experiencing. This is why I haven't written, it is why I've been looking for anything to ease the pain and confusion of it all.

I've not been so vulnerable in all my life. There is one person that I have felt has seen me as I really am inside of all of this and I'm so grateful for that vision. But I have to see myself clearly through all of this and I'm not quite there yet. So here I am, humbled. Grieving and taking it one step at a time. All I can say is that writing is a gift that I'm so grateful for. So for those of you who made it this far in this entry, thank you for listening and keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We are all one, we are friends, family, and siblings. We play so many roles for one another and that is a blessed and beautiful thing.

The image attached to this post is one that I saw in New Orleans and it spoke to my heart so deeply. How she looks is how I feel. And it feels good to see it and be with that.

Mystery

This life is a mystery beyond understanding with the mind. Loss turns to gift, hurt and confusion into intimacy. All of it folding and melting into and upon its Self. I have recently known a loss of life that then turned into the birth of a dream. What I have learned from this is that the more I allow my perceptions of what I think things mean to float like a cloud the nurturing rain that comes is beyond my wildest dreams. Loss if allowed fertilizes growth, the energy always wants to be reborn. Grateful am I to those that have consciously held the healing space for this transformation. I humbly bow myself before thee in reverence.

Your Poem

You have helped me plant my tree deeply in the ground
With kindness and love
The stars above shine for us
Glowing embers fire in the night sky
As you laugh with me I feel you all around
Entangled within my flowing limbs
Pressing, pushing, grazing over
A breeze hovers in our skin so smooth
Whisper in my ear your truth
You speak through me into the heavens

How deeply can this go?
Dare I know you?
Friend. Lover. Master. Brother.
I fear a loss with human heart
With the hands of a thousand grandmothers I leap into your open arms.
Play your drum so I may hear
From below it upward flows
Into this heart of open kind
I am yours tonight.
do not wander.
Inspire me with fire from free birds flying south
Melting me over your belly I sink
Swimming in the earth and sky
What a love affair is this
It takes all kinds

Hush! hear me now, I am speaking with you
Even when I'm not here
Remember the truth
It does not hide.
Even in that pile of feathers
It penetrates to the center
Dance with me your ancient lines
In peace and war and kiss me deeply
As the fire licks our eyes
Don't think for our minds lie

Know what you know
Be who you are
Celebrate!
Tomorrow is never given
The moon has shared these truths with me.
Truth comes from the quiet place that surrounds us now
Shhhhh....can you listen?

Sacred Space

What exactly is sacred space? For me it is an understanding, respect, honor of our homes, resources, habitat, bodies, minds, relationships and belongings. It is a selfless recognition that every aspect of this material world has a unique purpose and place in the bigger picture. It is the relationship we have with these things and how we dance with them in our daily lives. I am thinking about this now because as I look within myself and at those around me this seems to be an area that we all struggle with.

In our current culture we are still learning to step into our own inherent power in a healthy and balanced way. The collective consciousness is changing, growing and expanding. This is evident through the green and organic culture, wanting to learn to be more respectful of Mother Earth and our own sacred vessels. The growth of interest in all things spiritual, learning to better understand how to reconcile our words, thoughts and deeds. It is an evolution in our way of being, our relationship with the Sacred Spaces that we interact with everyday. It is easy to get bogged down with negativity and feeling as though there is little growth unfolding on the material plan. But we create our experience and to be grateful to all we have is just another way of honoring this sacred space we call home.

I have learned to recognize that there are two distinct aspects of my personal energy, the shadow and the light. I see the fiery courageous warrior fighting for truth who has no fear and makes no apology. Then there is the sweet, soft, pure spiritual child that just wants to see the best in everything, to be liked and always create peace and harmony. These energies or sides of ourselves are also referred to as light and shadow. There can not be one without the other, they are inextricably connected and work together to hold the potential of our personal power. Either one by its self has no real strength or endurance but is always yearning to be met with balance from its counterpart. Before we develop awareness of these aspects of ourselves it can feel like we are being whipped around on the end of rope at some ones elses discretion. In all reality that is exactly what is happening, so it behooves us to learn about these energies and how they influence our lives and behaviors.


So this brings me back to the question of sacred space. What is it? From writing this I have learned that one aspect of sacred space is learning to honor all aspects of ourselves, the courageous shadowy warrior and the light inner child always reaching for the divine. All have a place, it is only when we think one is more important than the other that things get out of whack. Fundamentally if we honor the balance of the energies that we hold in every moment we also begin to naturally honor the simple things like respecting someones else's body, home, land, resources, life, choices, or any other number of things. To be a little cheesy, sacred space begins at home.

The analogy of light and shadow not only applies to us as individuals but also is present in the energies of our world as a whole. We have currently been dancing in a cycle that has been heavily influenced by the shadow and the teachings that come from this cycle have been difficult ones. For some time we had forgotten the importance of having respect of the earth and all those that are supported by it. Those that fly, swim, crawl, slither, grow, flow, walk and those that don't move at all. Perhaps as we come to honor ourselves and respect ourselves more we will then learn to honor all of the planets inhabitants. Asking permission to cut from a plants leaves, to take an animals life for our own nourishment or even build on a piece of land. It doesn't seem like a crazy idea to me although admittedly a new one. I see a time in my own life where this is my way of being, my personal practice. I am grateful to all of the teachers that have brought these teachings to me and have been patient has I work with them in my own life.

"We are the Ones we have been waiting for!" Linda Star Wolf